III.Philosophy Onstage

Now

Now let me create. Turn up the lights. Let there be a stage. A stage for art. A stage for thoughts. A stage for speculation. A stage for all suffering souls. Let me go onstage and perform. Let yesterday be yesterday. Let tomorrow shine on reality. How many people will be in the audience? Will they cheer? Dance and sing along? Let there be a stage. A stage of feelings. A stage of free spirit. A stage of light and shadow. A stage that celebrates life. Let us go onstage and perform. Let thoughts be performed. Let philosophy be sung. Let the future shine on the fleeting present moment. Let history be a canvas. Let silence be my voice. There will be a stage. A stage of dreams. A stage of bold imagination. A stage for us. Our heart has been longing to sing. Our body has been longing to dance. Come on to the stage. Let your heart sing. Let your body dance. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to philosophy onstage.

Wait

Who are the people that will sing and dance with me? Not those who hesitate. Not those who make decisions by predicting the result. Not those who always weigh advantages versus disadvantages. I met those people. When they looked at me, their eyes were saying: No, I am too weak. I cannot do this. So I took leave. Because they are not the ones I am looking for. I am waiting. Not for a substitute. But a real man, a real woman. He or she will come to me and stand up straight. They will not hesitate to say: This is the guy. I want to fly with you. I want to sing and dance. And I want to sing and dance with you. They are the people I am looking for.
 

The people I met are practical people. They want to live a good life. They are not willing to really make a sacrifice. Love means responsibilities. They never know it. They only want to receive but not to give. So they do not treasure my value. So I took leave. On my stage, there will be true warriors. No one but only true warriors. They are the soldiers I am looking for.

Beauty

I used to be a very romantic guy. I think that is why I misunderstood beauty. I thought love was about nothing but beauty. I must have been cheated by music, flowers and those sorts of things. As I grew up, I came to know that so-called love is actually much more practical than I thought. Beauty is a contributing factor among many others. A rather less important factor indeed. Now I have known that beauty is mostly a personal thing, which can neither bring you love, nor much else. It seems reasonable to give up beauty for more practical possessions. Artists use beauty to attract audience. After all, “beauty” is merely such a frivolous thing. “Beauty” can be made up. That is how the beauty industry works. Beauty is so cheap indeed.
 

At the same time, I imagine (I cannot verify this assumption in any way), if someone is absolutely selfish or absolutely selfless, he or she will not have any sadness. In other words, if someone cares only about himself/herself, or he/she cares only about others but not himself/herself, there will not be any sadness. 
 

Most people are somewhere in between. They care about themselves as well as others. Then, Mu Xin is right again. He said, art is about jokes. Art is about fooling around. Art is about sadness. 

Youth

East and West Greenwich Village are very close to each other geographically. However, they have very distinctive characters. Hudson Street and Greenwich Avenue are the heart of West Village. If I took a yoga class at night, I would usually stroll along one of these streets. I cannot help but look around at the dining tables in the open air, into the window of the bars and restaurants. I am always intoxicated by people’s lively faces and their happiness in the flickering light. I am glad that I always live in dreams. I have dreams to fulfill. I guess the fact that I have dreams makes my life more meaningful than that of average people.
 

I am turning twenty-four. I am in perfect health (which means I do not feel any pain in the body). I keep to a healthy diet. My life is relatively happy for the most part. Maybe this is how it feels to be young. Predictably, in a few years, I will begin to experience the effect of aging. 
 

I am often surprised by the fact that life is not always perfect. But happiness is still the general goal of my life. After all, I am not that different from average people. But having realized the truth that life is not always perfect, I can refrain from being too jealous of people's romance as I stroll in West Village.

Loneliness

It seems that after someone enters his or her middle life, he or she is very likely to get sick of sex. I am still at an age where sex feels very exciting. I rarely see the same kind of excitement in people above thirty. In those cases, that was a very beautiful person.
 

I have become used to a life without companion. I see it as what being an artist necessarily involves. I have learned to manage a lonely life. Moreover, I found that the lonelier I am, the better I feel about myself. It must be a bad sign. A sign of a degrading tendency. Being alone, my lust expands without boundaries. My temper worsens without constraints. They directly give rise to my tough artistic style. I believe, if I were lucky to be less lonely, I should have become more civilized and happier. 
 

I suppose, life always offers exactly the right experiences for people to become who they are. In a relieved mood, I invent good names for my degrading tendency. I call it “individualism”. I call it “integrity”.

Cosmologies

I seem to have no cosmological concerns. Because I have abandoned that set of language.

Music

Why music is so difficult to understand? How can we attempt to understand music? I think, the only possible attempt is to let music change you. What is beautiful about music is that it requires you to give up yourself. You say to music: I am yours. Please take me away. Then, you are absorbed by music. You are occupied by music. This is the only possible attempt to understand music. 
 

You did not understand a piece. Some day, you feel you have understood it more. Why? Because you have changed. Nothing else. It is not because you have more knowledge about music. No. How can you understand music? By who you are. Nothing else. You refuse to give up yourself. You never understand music. You give up yourself. You say to music: change me. Let me become someone else. Then, you understand music.

Spirituality

Real spiritual people do not want to show off their spirituality. On the contrary, they want to conceal any sign of spirituality as much as possible. Because what life is about? Is life about spirituality? No. All life is about is life itself.
 

Fake spiritual people seize every tiny chance to show off their spirituality. What they show off is not spirituality but only dishonesty. They do not know anything about spirituality. They just simply hate life. 

Blame

The world consists of a complexity of sounds and smells. Our ears and nose are designed to recognize the nuances between different signals. It is an animal instinct to follow delightful sounds and pleasant smells. Our ears and nose are sensitive indeed. Because tiny mistakes can lead to an entirely wrong direction over time. 
 

According to my observation, people gather around sounds and smells. What the mind does is trivial. What the ears and nose do is critical. In this way, the world constructs itself naturally. If you find yourself in a wrong part of the world, blame neither yourself nor the world. Unfortunately, you happen to have bad ears and nose.

Either

I can never tell it is me that understands music or it is music that approaches and understands me. 

Self-centered

In the last two years, I wrote and produced over seven hundred pieces of music. How much time do you need to go through all of them? How much time did I take to make them? 
 

People say that my music does not have “external values”. For me, Art is internally reaching. After all these hours of music making, I must have become a person without “external values”.

Sciences

Sciences are concerned about the "external reality". They reach outward towards the uncharted limits of the external universe. 
 

There is also an internal universe. Its uncharted limits are even more far-reaching than the edge of the physical universe.

Touch

I live among ordinary people. I talk to ordinary people. I fall in love with ordinary people. They are the only tangible world I can touch. 
 

The world is filled with noises. Wasted words and actions are noises. But they conceive the only tangible world I can touch.

Self-education

The most important influence that Mu Xin has on me is the idea that Art is a lifelong self-education. He said these words in his sixties.
 

One of my friends told me why he fell in love with Mu Xin. It was also because of a few words: “You want to destroy me but I say no.” My friend said that he never heard anyone say things like that in their eighties. 
 

I agreed with my friend and smiled. Both of us were in our twenties when we talked about Mu Xin's simple yet beautiful words of wisdom.

Individualism

After I came to the West, I often heard people talk about community. Popular artists are also obsessed with creating a sense of community among their fan base, although it sounds like a different issue. I see both cases as a sign of incomplete individualism. Western individualism is incomplete. 
 

I know there are several Western countries where the community is considered prior to individuals. They are even seen as “socialist” countries. If here was a scholar, he or she would explain to me the exact definition of community and “socialism”. He or she would be able to reconcile between individualism and community values. He or she would explain why they are not necessarily contradictory to each other. He or she would also teach me a lesson on the nuanced differences between many forms of individualism. Historical evidence would surely be presented.
 

They are smart people. I will admit my own ignorance. Because there has always been only one form of individualism in my mind. The smart people must be able to fit in a community much more easily than me.

Nihilism

I have been reaching internally far enough that it has been impossible to convert me externally anymore. I have lost the last beam of hope for a happy earthly life. How can you possibly tempt a nihilist? My heart has been shaped into a cold stone. There is nothing remaining but resistance. 
 

Once there was a professor in the music department who gave me several pieces of career advice. Firstly, I should study more great works of great composers. Secondly, I should start learning the piano in order to be admitted to a music school. Thirdly, I should prepare a backup plan. 
 

I think, the only piece of advice he wanted to make was the third one. I also believe, it was exactly the career advice he had been always following for his entire life. People are good at reconciliation indeed. They can reconcile between art and life, the community and the individual, sex and love, the moral and the immoral, the eternal and the fashionable.
 

One day, Western civilization will thank an Eastern soul for being its gatekeeper.

Sex

Making and listening to music exactly resembles a sexual intercourse between two partners. It is my responsibility to satisfy you.
 

How am I doing this time?

Fermentation

I was not a musical prodigy. I began from a very low level. Mozart started composing at a very young age. On the contrary, I went through a “medieval period” from my teenage years to my early twenties. Looking back, that period of time was like fermentation of some fine wine in a dark cellar. I was making slow progress that did not seem to form any clear logic. However, a very deep tension inside my soul was being built without dispersing. I believe that this fermentation was a necessary preparation for a full-bloomed Renaissance.
 

Are your also experiencing your “middle ages”?

Something

Many times at night, I felt like something unusual was going to happen. But surely, nothing did really happen.
 

Tonight, I feel like something unusual is going to happen.

Reader

Art is magical. I feel free to write whatever I want. Because I have one firm belief in my mind. If the reader is good enough, art cannot make any bad impact. Art cannot be used as a weapon. If the reader is good enough.

Metaphysics

The peak of Art is metaphysical beauty. Absolute beauty. Completely abstract and disconnected with earthly reality. Bach, Mozart, Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Raphael.
 

I have not listened to Mozart enough. I have spent time doing my own things.

Earthly

Musicians who emphasize lyrics are the lowest of the lowest. They are earthly people who do not have metaphysical concerns. People point to an earthly painting and say: it is beautiful. It is because they do not have metaphysical concerns. What they like is bad.

Soon

Mozart and Leonardo da Vinci both had their time of fermentation. Even gifted prodigies must go through fermentation before being exposed to sunlight. That period of fermentation is as critical as their "golden age". 
 

Take love as an example. Who does not go through long years of loneliness and solitude before he or she meets their true love? That loneliness and solitude are the fermentation. Many people are afraid of darkness. They are exposed to sunlight too soon. Their wine of life never has the chance to be fully fermented in order to acquire a tasteful depth. 
 

Life is nothing but a bottle of fine wine.

Answer

During the dark days of fermentation, in cellars isolated from sunlight, I asked myself: What do I want? Why am I doing all of this? I could not answer these questions. I did not know what I wanted. The only thing I knew for sure was that I did not want to keep living the old life. 
 

It seemed nowhere to go. I kept asking, as if forcing an answer out of a piece of blank space. I did not get an answer. What I heard was a voice screaming from the bottom of my soul. That voice was so clear. It said: I must shine. One day, I must shine even brighter than the brightest stars.

Applause

Applause is dangerous to artists. If every time you perform, there is cheerful applause, you should be cautious. If every time you do something, people say it is good, you should be cautious. If you hear people’s applause and their words, and you assume you are heard and understood, you should be cautious.
 

I do not read philosophy. But I remember when Kant wrote his philosophy, he was aware of the eternal silence of the infinite space. He knew he was not to be heard. There would not be any applause or reply.

Wrong

This morning, when I woke up from bed, I felt exhausted. I was fed up with life. I was fed up with everyone and everything in my life. I lost all my passion.
 

When I was having breakfast, I realized that there was nothing wrong. This is life. This is what a normal life is suppose to be. If I were not an artist, this should be exactly the life I would be living. People are truly exhausted. They are fed up with everyone they know as well as everything they do.
 

By the way, there are at least three ways of saying "if" in Chinese. They seem to have more to play with indeed.

Balance

What you experience in my art is absolute individualism. A pure form of individualism. The only form of individualism. I did not use to be like this. I used to have an abundance of love and care, constantly giving my best. Now I have changed. All my love has been denied, abandoned and buried six feet under. 
 

My love is imprisoned but does not vanish. I do not feel its warmth but still its burden. I need to keep balance. The balance requires the same level and amount of cold-heartedness and self-isolation. You are so unfortunate to have missed the warmth of my endless love. Now, taste my infinite cold-heartedness.

Recently

Recently, I have been thinking about nothing but women. When I am awake, my attention is drawn to beautiful women. When I am asleep, I dream about beautiful women. When I wake up at night, I desire there is a beautiful woman by my side.
 

Most guys do not understand the transcendental power of a beautiful woman. Until they are intoxicated by a beautiful woman. Until they feel the burning of their body and soul because of a beautiful woman. Until they intoxicate a beautiful woman and make her feel the burning of her entire body and soul. Until then, they are strange to a beautiful woman. They do not deserve to own a beautiful woman.
 

Recently, I have been thinking about nothing but beautiful women.

Scary

What is the most scary thing? A striving genius.

Old

I have seen many professional musicians. Old professionals. They bear the title of masters in the field. They are all tired. Just like everyone else. Once they entered their fifties and sixties (even earlier), they became tired with what they had been doing for their entire life. But they act like they are not.
 

Every old person has once thought about quitting what they were doing. At the very moment when the thought came to their mind, they were punched harshly by reality: go back and do it. Or I will let you die.
 

They went back and kept doing it.

Love

Love.

Stages

Spiritual growth consists of five stages.
 

The first stage is complete unconsciousness. People at this stage are completely dreaming. They are not aware of what they are doing, or why they are doing what they do. They are not aware of any internal feelings. They live by inertia, which means the joined force of all habits given by the environment. They do not have any sense of “self”. They are neither selfish nor selfless. Even if they behave "selflessly", it is only out of habits.
 

A life like this feels very bad. But as they are completely unconscious, they do not feel anything. They are just numb and dead. 
 

The second stage of spiritual growth involves struggles among conflicting doctrines. After people start to become conscious about who they are and what they do, they start constructing doctrines. They learn lessons from life. Wisdom begins to accumulate. They begin to awake from a dream state. They start to gain control of the way they live. 
 

As they begin to feel, they begin to suffer. They have only seen a very limited picture of humanity. Therefore, the doctrines that they construct are incapable of handling life perfectly. In fact, their doctrines are so flawed that they constantly fail. It will take a long journey to correct imperfect doctrines.
 

The struggle requires an enhanced sensibility. Or conversely, the more conscious they are, the more capable of feeling they also become. As Leonardo da Vinci points out, knowledge and love are always proportional.
 

The more sensitive they are, the sharper the pain becomes. Actually, the pain is nothing but a driving force. However, only few people see it this way. Most people simply do not want pain. They take their primitive doctrines very loosely. They stop at the gate of the second stage. It is their natural ending point. 
 

To force into the gate of the second stage is the first critical moment of a spiritual journey. An inner strength is awakening. They are still weak but have begun to experience the true happiness of being alive. Being alive means to fight. They are very scared because any gentle breeze can knock them down.
 

Pain is like a whip that keeps slaves in place. People choose to be slaves rather than fighting the whip. Very few people fall in love with pain by instinct like a warrior addicted to the smell of blood. They are simply born to fight. 
 

(Editing note: as I read this right now, I would like to say that pain is exciting. Pain is good. It is a secret that pain actually feels good. Only after you find this secret do you really start tasting life. Life and pain are pretty much equal to each other. They are quite the same. Pain is not bad at all. It is tasteful. Tasteful things are uncomfortable at the beginning, such as smoking, drinking and sex. Those who are afraid or refuse to taste life simply hate being born. Stay away from them.)
 

Their first triumph will be a harmony of various doctrines. This is the third stage of wisdom. Like a musical harmony of various notes, all the wisdom they have acquired coexist to produce a sweet sound. They do not take any single doctrine to be an absolute truth. They have a wide range of knowledge. They can appreciate a variety of artistic styles. They can draw pleasure from all aspects of life. Like an apprentice graduating from a workshop, they can handle a canvas in a satisfying way.
 

They feel the joy of life. They even begin to feel the need to share their wisdom with others. They can be very good educators, publishers and public intellectuals. They have become much better at living than the commoners.
 

They do not see anything beyond this way of life. They think this is all humanity is about. They are not sensitive enough to hear the deeper noises that remain. They are already satisfied with the harmony on the surface. Their journey is done.
 

People who can advance to the fourth stage are dreamers in nature. They have awakened from a dream but do not agree to accept reality. They see an imperfect world therefore dream of perfection. For them, an imperfect world is simply insensible. The flaws that they see cannot be hidden under the shadow of an intellectual harmony. They dream of the absolute. They are curious how far their dream can go.
 

People at the third stage are philosophers, scholars, religious practitioners and professional artists. People who advance into the fourth stage cannot rely on philosophy, scholarship, religious faith and craftsmanship anymore. All categorized knowledge stops functioning. All established lands become shaky. At this point, the spiritual adventurer squeezes all knowledge into one single belief. That belief is beyond words. It is therefore referred to as Art.
 

Art is beyond reason, even beyond faith. It is absolutely private therefore cannot be shared or described. Now, life is under complete control. Any single moment is a piece of artwork. These dreamers cannot paint a canvas like an apprentice. They have to work as real geniuses. To be a genius is to be truly genuine. A genius has to abandon his or her last foothold, which makes him or her ready to fly.
 

They are born to create but not to accept. They are born to break free. This is their destiny and responsibility. There is no way to back off into the first three stages. Because they have never belonged there. The ability to fly is a gift. To live as a commoner is out of the question.
 

They have parents. Spiritual parents. Their wings are their heritage. They have the responsibility to fly and leave their own legacy. At this stage of wisdom, a full spectrum of humanity is being manifest gradually. It feels like an aerial view. They will be well acquainted with the deepest love and sadness. 
 

So, is this all? They ask this question because they always reach for the uncharted limits of reality. They have not yet seen the full spectrum of humanity. 
 

A broadened horizon gives rise to absolute confidence and independence, which will lead them into the fifth and final stage of wisdom. Artists at this stage are absolutely unique. They do things only because they want to. They trust themselves completely but nothing else. They have come to acknowledge their only canvas and the masterpiece is ready to be made.
 

This is reality. This world of flaws is the only reality in my hands. Now, let me own it. Let me love and be heartbroken. As I know this is the only reality in my hands, I begin to really treasure its value. People accept reality and suffer from it. I own reality and celebrate life. 
 

They feel the dignity and pride of simply being a human. They trust in humanity and hope for the future. Their beauty is never exhausted because they themselves are truly infinite.
 

To be young means to love and be heartbroken. And love will never die.