I.Confession of a Philosopher

Confession of a Philosopher 

I wrote my philosophy and left it alone. I have learned to live. I taught myself some lessons. Now I revisit the philosopher I used to be and want him to be heard and seen. I have nothing to hide anymore. I do not want to merely imply my intention as a philosopher. I want to attack my target and leave no room for late comers. This is my ambition.

You see two philosophers in dialogue. One is someone who went through the struggle and left his footprints. The other takes his raw materials and guides the reader into his struggle.

Philosophy should be naked. As in any other art form, the essence of a true artist is vulnerability, the willingness and ability to be exposed and felt.
 

The most incomprehensible concept in my philosophy is that impulse of life. It is more incomprehensible that many other philosophical concepts such as logic and consciousness seem naturally more comprehensible.
 

If I have to define the impulse of life as a courtesy to the game of philosophy, it will be as such: the unceasing and unfiltered curiosity and dissatisfaction of being alive. It is the gift of a true philosopher, a true artist, a genius. You either have it or have not. Death is for the dead. Life is for the alive.
 

I do not need to write much. What I have to say is as simple as philosophy is meant to be. I want to avoid conceptualizing my vivid insight by only saying what has to be said. Because philosophy is not about what is said. It is rather about what the philosopher wants to avoid.
 

They avoid life. Therefore, I avoid death. 
 

What I mean by vulnerability is the courage of being absolutely honest. If you do not feel alive, admit to yourself: I am dead. 
 

If you see someone or something beautiful, admit that someone or something is beautiful. True philosophy only starts from this absolute honesty.
 

You will learn to stand up straight and confront yourself as well as the universe. You will sing and dance. 

I believe my philosophy is unique. Because I am unique. No one will live and philosophize the way I do. 
 

Samsara is Nirvana. The Eightfold Path of Buddhism lays the foundation of my philosophy. Samsara - Nirvana - Samsara. Samsara on the left is death. The same pain and suffering on the right is life. During the journey in between, nothing has ever changed. 
 

At a private banquet, My Xin told me that suffering is due to the gap between life and intelligence. Given that life weighs 1 gram and intelligence 3, there is suffering due to the imbalance. However, when intelligence eventually reaches 10 grams, the 0 will be eliminated and the balance between life and intelligence will be restored. Before departure, he added that the innocence we are given is carbon, while the innocence redeemed is a diamond.
 

Forgive me, Father. I have sinned.

To a Fellow Philosopher

It is very nice seeing you and talking to you today. You are one of the most intelligent and interesting thinkers I have met in my life. It is my pleasure and privilege to present my philosophical writings for you to examine.
 

However, I would like to ask for one thing in return: I want you to point out at least one thing in my philosophy that is questionable to your eyes. I will be grateful if you could write a formal critical response. 
 

On one hand, I do not believe you will be totally convinced. On the other hand, I constructed a solid system leaving very little room for debate, despite my deliberate use of personal and daily language.
 

I am fundamentally influenced by Buddhism and Nietzsche, two sources contradicting each other on every level. Nietzsche preaches an active approach to life where irrational madness or unconsciousness transcends suffering. Eastern philosophy such as Buddhism and Daoism prefers to retreat from life and therefore attain liberation from suffering. 
 

My philosophy comes from the infinite dynamics between these two fundamental approaches to human existence. My ambition is to reveal the common ground between them and arrive at the unspeakable core of humanity, which I refer to as Art.
 

Yes, for me, philosophy is nothing but a genre of Art. It is free of purposes or tasks. It is a dream, a joke, a party for any sincere human to enjoy. As I point out in the book, the Dark Ages of philosophy has come to an end. Humanity was repressed by thoughts systems because philosophers were not self-aware Artists. They did not know what they were doing so they could only imagine the promised land where they never arrived. In the New Era of philosophy, the most ancient and original impulse of thinking and speculation will be revived and treated with fresh, raw, creative and personal rendering. And I would like to be the first and most prominent example.

Thank you.

Dear Professor

There has been two years since you taught me the most beautiful phrase I had ever heard in a philosophy class: "Samsara is Nirvana." I pulled out this e-mail wishing to let you know that during the last two years, I have developed that short essay I submitted to you at the end of that semester into a complete book of philosophy. I wish you could be its first reader because I think there will be no one else in the world that could understand me better in the matter of philosophy.
 

I remember you said that the critical difference between philosophy and music is that philosophy explains itself. However, if my memory serves me right, you also said that the reason why you highly valued traditional Chinese literati culture was that philosophy and art were seamless one. I found these two ideas contradictory at the time when we talked. However, I did not disagree with you during the conversation, because I felt that the matter being discussed was so significant that I must carry out a formal investigation before anything could be said. So I wrote a book in the pursuit of an answer. 
 

Philosophy is poetic. In other words, explanation is its means of expression but not its purpose. Thoughts are the brushstrokes. What is being painted is the philosopher himself. When the painter is sincere enough, there should be no distance between his heart and the brush held by his hand. In other words, when the philosopher and his philosophy are one, there should be no explanation that could be given. He and his philosophy can only be felt.
 

The Mystical is not to be shown. Wittgenstein constructed the idea of The Mystical in the belief that there is something to be shown. He points out that riddles are senseless but his entire philosophy is nothing but a senseless riddle. A true philosopher does not want to be explained. He wants to be felt. The true essence of philosophy has been lost in explanations. In the professional philosophy of our time, there are only plenty of lifeless concepts waiting to be further and further explained, while humanity is totally repressed, eliminated and therefore absent. There is no passion or frustration but only deliberate ignorance and blind confidence fueled by the absence of sensitivity. Philosophy is dead.
 

I wrote my philosophy wishing to revive philosophy within myself. As Mu Xin put it, the deepest form of rebellion does not involve physical struggles. That rebellion is from the most fundamental level of humanity: You want to destroy me but I say no. Therefore, I turned my back on philosophy and said no to it. I do not want to philosophize. I want to sing and dance. I do not want to trade my flaws, my mistakes, my pain and confusion for a so-called truth. What I want is an uncompromising redemption.
 

And I want you to be my witness.

Denunciation

Deep inside my soul, I am unsatisfied. I call for a challenge. If you dare. I am mocking, quietly and deeply. I mock you, all of you. Philosophers, religious practitioners, scientists, and so-called artists. Deep inside my soul, I hear myself mocking, quietly and deeply. I am unsatisfied with what came out of your hands and your mouth. I used to believe you. I used to think you are right. Tonight, I am fed up. I clearly hear a voice inside my soul, mocking you, all of you, quietly and deeply. I have been believing you for thousands of years. Is it enough?
 

Your time is over. Tomorrow is going to be a brand new day. I will awake and redeem myself. I will start seeking what has been lost. My unclouded true colors.