V.Philosophy As Individualism 

S

The most uncharming mode of being is selflessness. I have been avoiding selfless people since an early age. Their mode of being is this: I do everything for the good of others. I serve others. I do something only when others need it. I exist for others. If they are Christians, they see themselves as an instrument of God. If they are Eastern practitioners, they see themselves as one with the universe.

I say: the entire fucking universe is me. They say: my humble self has become one with the universe. I do not need their service. I need lovers. I do not need servants. If you are here to serve me, get out. You only waste my time. I want someone here to seduce me, to attract me, to desire and get addicted to me.

I want romantic people. I am entirely devoted to romantic love. I surround myself with attractive people. I develop my charisma with full passion. Romantic people do not serve but inspire one another. We are strong and great souls. We are independent warriors. Not the poor and weak begging for help.

Do not assume you are one with the universe. There has been at least one soul who is not one with you. I swear that you can never absorb me into your universe.

C

Today on the subway, sitting opposite me was a young couple. They were probably in their late twenties. Sensitive as I was, I knew they were in love and happy. They were talking and smiling all the time, she leaning on his shoulder. That was beautiful. I have seen so many couples walking or sitting side by side, either of them absent-minded. I smiled and sighed to myself: what we need is not much. We just need a little wisdom and virtue to treat our loved ones well.

It also reminds me that love is not only about frivolous attraction, which I am already good at. There must be something more to love, which I have not yet been privileged to know about.

But I also have something the couple do not have. It is individualism. Every time I feel lost, I would turn to music. Then, I always know who I am and what I should do. I need to shine. Much brighter than the stars.

Now, individualism has become my only possession. For me, there is no philosophy, no anything. There is only individualism. Philosophy is individualism. The peak of Art is individualism. Everything is about nothing but individualism.

Do you know what I mean by individualism? I mean: everything, literally every damn thing, must be celebrated.

W

I want you. I desire you. I cannot stop desiring you. I must have you. How can I live without you. I am lost. Do not leave me. Please stay. I beg you to stay by my side. You are all I have. I can do anything for you. I live and only live for you. Can you love me. Please love me. Love me and I will be alive.

These are the lovely words I wait to hear from you. I want you to risk your life for me. I will wait to love you until then.

(Editing note: Let me tell you a secret. What makes her addicted to me is not the happiness that I give her but the suffering. I make her suffer for me and she becomes mine.

A real woman does not want to be loved. She wants to be alive. Make her suffer and she will be alive.)

(Editing note: Pain is the most private experience.)

A

Lucky people grow up to learn how to get along with others. I have grown up to learn how to be alone. Most people define who they are by what they have. I define who I am by what I have missed or lost. They made me who I am. I treasure all my loss and regrets.

My only problem with Europeans is that their life is too good and comfortable. So they are too sophisticated and melancholy. There are sensitive people. But who is more sensitive than the sensitive people?

Lucky people grow up to learn how to get along with others. I have grown up to learn how to be alone.

M

What does it mean to miss someone? It literally means someone is missed. When you think about someone all day long, you talk to someone all the time, you walk with someone down the streets, you hug someone, you hold someone’s hands, you see someone, you smell and taste someone, you touch and are touched by someone.

However, suddenly, you wake up and realize there is no one there. This is what it means to miss someone. Someone should be here. But he or she is missed.

I am missing you.

H

Do not love. Love means weakness. The wish to be unified is a sign of weakness. Any unity with the universe, with God, with a significant other, means nothing but weakness. If scared by my philosophy, stop reading. Devotion means weakness. Commitment means weakness. Honesty means weakness. Reality means weakness. All of the above are invented by the dead and weak.

Lovers are vulgar. The greatest Artists do not love. They hate and become self-sufficient. Love leads to weakness. Hatred leads to strength and greatness. I am the greatest, the youngest, the most beautiful. Why?

I hate.

H

Self-expression is a wish for connection. Expression is not to impress, but to connect. Most people are disconnected to the world by walls of glass. They never connect or even know how it feels to be connected. Most souls are satisfied with isolation. For them, disconnection is all life is about. They are never connected with anyone.

However, those who express themselves are neither connected. At least, those who express themselves most sincerely will not be connected. They are not isolated by walls of glass. They are dancing to a silent universe.

At least, no one has been able to appreciate my little sense of humor.

(Editing note: This passage seems to contradict the idea of absolute individualism that I am proposing in this chapter. Why unification leads to isolation and individualism leads to attraction and connection between souls? Does it not sound strange?

The more separate you are, the more you are connected to every other soul. The more you are unified, the more you are isolated from everyone else. It is strange indeed. But strange things are never that strange.

Genius is the only possible connection among all things. Finding your genius means being alone from deep inside. You see the true connection between you and others when you are absolutely alone. 

There is no way I can really express this idea. The more mature you become, the more alone you will feel. But you are also not alone anymore. You are mature. You become an Artist who understands life and people.

To be born is to be separate and alone by its very definition. It is hard to accept. But when you are brave enough to embrace this separation, you become truly alive. Again, for me, life itself is a journey of being born. We are born gradually, throughout a lifetime. The more you are born, the more you are separate, which means you know you are yourself but not anyone else. You are not unified with anything. That, is individualism.

You will be separate from people, ideas and faith. Then, you are fully alive. You are not an Artist until then. To be born is painful. But, again, it takes the topic back to the very beginning. Pain is good. Life and pain are quite the same. I think I have explained this correlation sufficiently.

One day, you will be so strong and mature that you become addicted to this process of being born. You constantly crave being born further and further. You crave that endless painful struggle. Then, you are a true Artist.
 

Then, pain has become non-pain. You realize that it is not the kind of "pain" that you used to think it is. The "pain" that you have is not the same as what most people experience as "pain". Your "pain" is the feeling of being alive. It is passion and excitement. You are simply constantly nervous about what will surprise you the next moment. The "pain" that most people have is how it feels to be numb, hypnotized, dreaming, trapped, depressed and dead in total darkness. Because they are in darkness, they invent the term "pain". There is no language in darkness capable of describing passion and excitement.

I would like to stop here before my vivid insight turns into conceptualized philosophy. To systematize these ideas is easy. Therefore, I will not waste my time and humiliate my own intelligence. 

What makes my philosophy great is not its content but its intended reader. I will not sacrifice the greatest reader for a Goddamn naive linguistic system. Period.)

(Editing note: Later, I also wrote: "Life is driven by an innermost desire to be born and separate." What is that "most ancient and original impulse of thinking and speculation" that I mentioned in the beginning? The desire to think is that same desire to be separate. To think is to separate things. To separate things is to make distinctions. A real philosopher wants to tear all things apart.)

I

I feel pity on those who distrust in Art.

If Art can fail, how can it be Art?

R

If I do not have love, I can wish for love. If I cannot wish for love, I can dream about love. If I cannot even dream about love, I can complain about it, make fun of it, especially of those who have it.

After experiencing so many possibilities of so-called love, I realize most lovers are nothing to envy.

U

If I love you, it is only because you make me shine even brighter. My light and your light make each other shine even brighter. If it is not the case, it is sympathy but not love. I will never allow myself to be dimmed by anything or anyone.

If you love me, come light me up.

C

I believe the most beautiful things in life happen naturally just like sunrise and sunset. It does not require strength to achieve them. Beautiful things must be as light as the wings of butterflies. They can be easily scared away. We need to be very gentle and quiet. Waiting for something to arrive and rest on our fingertips.

All that remains is curiosity. I allow the unique gift inside me to manifest itself. I am so curious to wait and receive. Regardless of happiness or sorrows, I do not want to trade this one possibility for any other. I have become so curious. I cannot resist my curiosity because it is my deepest lust.

A

If I become too independent, no one will want me to be his wife. If I have too profuse lust, no one will take me as her husband. This sort of logic exactly leads to unattractiveness. The more security you have, the more unattractive you become. The more risks you take, the more attractive you become.

It seems odd but not that odd. Is security really secure? Are risks really risky?

Attractiveness is not free. Bad stuff is cheap. Good stuff bears a high price. How much do you need to pay for a miracle?

P

Why the most part of the world is dead emptiness? Can I explain this phenomenon? Yes, I can. The reason is that human society comes from the universe. Anything within the universe must bear its property. The only property of the universe is death. So death is the foundation of the world.

Therefore, I am not talking about individualism in human life. I am talking about individualism in the universe. What can resist the universe is individualism and only individualism. Only the purest form of individualism can resist absolute death.

This is why my philosophy is so difficult to take in. It is for the toughest mission.
 

(Editing note: This passage explains one of the core statements of my philosophy: the universe is dead. Notice where this statement is originated. My route is exactly opposite to the scientific approach. For scientists, the universe determines who we are. For me, you are the one that determines the universe. Because the universe is just you. The universe is dead, because you are dead. Therefore, the statement "the universe is dead" is not a fixed condition or an objective truth. It is a subjective condition. If the universe is dead, it means you are dead. Nothing is alive in a dead universe.
 

It is your task as a philosopher to transform the universe from within. The one and only task for you as a philosopher is to prove that life is possible and necessary in your universe. All your thoughts and arguments should serve this purpose. You must live as a philosopher. There is no objective truth in real philosophy. Because it is nothing but an internal transformation.
 

Until nothing is internal or external anymore.)

N

No one has realized that the most critical thing in philosophy is a sense of humor.

H

Why people do not like Art? Why they do not need Art? Why people turn their back on Art and turn to commercial sounds? Because what they need is not Art but hypnosis. They do not want to be awake and live but stay asleep in hypnosis. Most of what has existed under the name of music is hypnosis. In the ancient time, music was used to evoke religious piety. Today, music serves as background sounds all day long as a daily hypnotherapy.

They call it the external value of music as if music is for sale. Anything that has an external value is not Art. The only nature of any "external value" is death.

Life does not serve any function. Art is awakening. Why people want to stay asleep in hypnosis? Because hypnosis reduces pain. Death is painless. Only life is painful. People want death.

If you think I have exaggerated the picture, I have not. Not just music, almost everything that goes under the name of existence is death. Almost all that has been said to exist is just hypnosis. It helps souls to stay asleep and reduce pain.

Almost all that goes under the name of philosophy, religion, truth, happiness, pleasure, future, greatness, goodness, morality, society, country, nationality, history is nothing but hypnosis. They are all fucking functional, dude.

T

Let me take philosophers as an example. They are the last species I want to hang out with. Many people learn some philosophy and feel superior. Why? Are they really superior to others? No. Because this sense of superiority is exactly the goal of the hypnotherapy of philosophy. They study philosophy to construct their sense of superiority. With superiority, they seem to feel less pain. Sure, because philosophy takes them further and further away from life.

Why I take philosophy as an example? Because among all kinds of hypnosis, it is the most effective one. It is for the weakest. Only the weakest needs the strongest treatment.

U

People say pleasure is the goal of life. You have known how funny it is. But I have not yet made the furthest clarification. To clarify with my full honesty, pleasure is death. Being dead is pleasant. Then, it does not sound funny anymore. Yes, the goal of most people’s life is death. They make constant efforts to eliminate life. They have such a strong urge to form an union with the universe.

Life is a crime. We steal souls from death.
 

(Editing note: It is true that what people do all day is mostly to eliminate life. If a soul stays asleep, less and less life will remain. That impulse of life will eventually vanish even if it used to flicker. If that impulse of life is absent, philosophy is lifeless.)

K

Why we are alive? What makes us different from those afraid of life? My friend, this is no question we need to answer. Because any answer itself is death. How can you explain life by death?

At the same time, death is also unreasonable. What makes them different from us? We do not know.

G

If life is not in pleasure, where is life? Good question. Is life in pain? No. Pleasure and pain are the opposite sides of a same coin. That coin, is death. That same coin, is also life.

Do you know what I am talking about, my friend?

After this chapter, all philosophy in existence is dead and gone.